My husband and I met 5 years ago at church, he was the drummer and I was young (16), I was instantly in-love with him. Shorty after we met we began dating, it was perfect, and blisfull. (isn't that how all relationships start?) Well I was away on a missions trip to Costa Rica, I got a call from my then boy friend saying he had fallen into some drugs at a party and he confessed to me that he had, had a problem in the past with them, but he was not going to do them anymore.
Thru out the first 6 months of our relationship it was a battle for Paul, he couldn't decide for sure whether or not he wanted to smoke pot or not. He then proposed to me only after being together for 7 months. I was so excited and quickly accepted. We planned our wedding for 2 days after I turned 18 so that we didn't have to get my parents to sign the papers. Meen while I keep a deep hidden secret that Paul was struggling with drugs. I figured he was young (21) and he would grow out of it. Well I was sadly mistaken.
1 month before our 1 year anniversary I found out we were expecting, it should have been happy occassion, but deep in my heart I knew that it would be impossible to raise a child with someone who was addicted to drugs. So I left Paul and he saught out counselling at Teen Challenge. I was terrifed of being alone so shortly after I had left Paul (1.5 months) I returned home to live with him, with his promise to continue consulling and to stop hanging out with his friends. Finally 2 months before our daughter was born Paul walked away from drugs, which seemed at the time that God had broken the bondage that he had for drugs. Mia was born and one month after that Paul was doing drugs again. My heart was broken, how could God release him from his addiction, then take it away so easily? This time I wasn't going to leave because I thought I could deal with it and I wanted Mia to have a daddy. So I convinved my husband that we needed to move out of Ontario to get away from his friends and start a new life, without drugs.
Paul made plans to move to Calgary where he found a job quickly. Mia and I would stay behind and sell the house then meet him there. Our house sold quickly within 2 weeks of Paul leaving, but I was wounded from the years of dealing with Paul and needed a break. I finally moved to Calgary this Past Christmas (3 months after he had been in Calgary) to find out that Paul had made new "drug'y" friends. I peged and pleaed with Paul to seek counselling, and stop doing drugs, but he had no real intereset. So in Febuary, I packed my bags and Mia and I moved back to Ontario without her daddy. My heart is broken because I keep telling Paul, seek counselling, Go to church and stop doing drugs. Then we can work towards restoring our marriage. He says he wants to change but won't take any of these steps. I am so confussed and angry with God. I know I could have prevented all of this by not marrying Paul, but I really do love him and want to be with him. But at this rate, I am going to be a divorced single mother and only 21! How can I trust God, when I feel like my whole world is fallen apart? And no one is willing to support me? Everyone just thinks I should stay with Paul and make it work. Because the biblical thing is I can't divorce Paul unless hes cheated on me...but I feel like he has cheated on me, he affair is just drugs, not a women.
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The thief comes to kill, steal and destroy, so his addiction has nothing to do with God but with the Influences He (Paul) allows into his life. God never takes and the first institution on this planet was marriage. Satan is attacking Paul through the people and places he allows himself to be. The greatest thing you can do is pray against the devil stealing your husband but Paul has to step away and stay away. Don't listen to religious bigots who try to control you. You are not in the wrong for leaving Paul because of his addiction to drugs (he broke his vows) but if you still love him and want to save your marriage, you need a miracle from God and on the inside of Paul's heart. The only way that can happen is through prayer. Vince and I are here to support you Angela (that doesn't mean that we necessarily agree with how you have handled leaving Paul but we certainly understand why you had to)
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